10 Greatest Luke Rants in 'Gilmore Girls,' Ranked

25 years later, we still can't get enough of Gilmore Girls. The Amy Sherman-Palladino series became a fan-favorite on The WB thanks to its snappy writing and the endearing relationship between a mother and daughter. Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and Rory (Alexis Bledel) make their way through life in their close-knit community of Stars Hollow.

One of the more reliable people in the Gilmores' lives is Luke Danes (Scott Patterson), owner of the local diner. Dressed in flannel, Luke is the steady presence that keeps Lorelai and Rory caffeinated and fed. One of his defining qualities is his ability to rant about anything he finds ludicrous and to remain firm in his convictions. To honor this fan favorite character, we celebrate the many rants of Luke Danes and determine which of his legendary tirades is the best.

10 Luke vs. Taylor – Fall Decorations

Season 1, Episode 7 "Kiss and Tell"

The arguments between Luke Danes and Taylor Doose (Michael Winters) are the stuff of Stars Hollow legend. One of their early disagreements in Season 1 is a textbook example of pushing Luke's buttons. Stars Hollow is putting up fall decorations around town, and the only holdout is Luke's Diner. When Taylor tries to persuade him with pilgrim figurines, he shuts him down quickly.

Luke is resolved in his stubborn refusal to add streamers and a paper turkey, not conforming to the "mob mentality" of the season. Taylor angrily says that Luke needs to grow up, and Luke is ready to stick those pilgrim figurines where the sun doesn't shine. Luke's rant against fall decor is mild in comparison to other tirades of his (hence the low ranking), but this one sets the tone for future memorable verbal sparring to come, especially against Taylor Doose.

9 'Revenge of the Sith's Ending

Season 6, Episode 2 "Fight Face"

Arguing about Star Wars is as commonplace in Stars Hollow as it is everywhere else. In a Season 6 episode, Luke debates with Lorelai about the climatic ending in Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith. Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) are fighting on Mustafar, and their epic battle concludes because Obi-Wan has the higher ground. Even though Anakin flips up to meet his former master's level, a few feet of dirt between these two Jedi took Luke completely out.

This Luke diatribe is hilarious because this specific plot point has bugged him for months. He could pick apart any plot hole, but "I have the high ground" was the final straw. Plus, it's always fun watching fictional characters argue about the logistics of a galaxy far far away.

8 Fate

Season 4, Episode 4 "Chicken or Beef?"

Luke is a practical man, and therefore has a hard time believing in fate or destiny. So when Lorelai and Rory discuss fate's hand in getting an invitation to Dean's (Jared Padalecki) wedding, Luke interjects with his own philosophy. He tells the Gilmore ladies that there is no destiny nor luck.

What pushes this spontaneous rant over the edge is the calm way he doubles down on astrology, seeing it as ridiculous. Luke believes tea leaves are just meant for tea and tarot cards will tell you nothing. He's no psychic. Luke just tells it like it is, and keeps the wonder and destiny outside his diner's door.

7 Sookie Behind Luke's Counter

Season 1, Episode 5 "Cinnamon's Wake"

Luke's domain is behind the counter at his diner. He can keep an eye on everything while being close to the kitchen. It's where he has control. When he finds Sookie (Melissa McCarthy) in spot while she’s talking with Lorelai, Luke does not take that well.

Sookie claims to have been looking for paprika, but Luke does not take kindly to anyone invading his sacred space. He compares his counter to the Dalai Lama's yoga mat as he pushes her back to where she belongs. To bring the point home, Luke warns Lorelai that the next time she brings Sookie to the diner, she needs to be on a leash. Poor Sookie!

6 Lawyers

Season 4, Episode 2 "The Lorelais' First Day at Yale"

Luke and Nicole (Tricia O'Kelley) were never going to be endgame. Their relationship burned bright with a drunken marriage and ended just as quickly in divorce. As a lawyer herself, she sends over her partners to convince Luke into a settlement. When they ask why he won’t hire a lawyer, Luke gives these attorneys his truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Within a few seconds, Luke says that attorneys are "needless middle men" who waste time and money. He even describes them as leeches that slither into vulnerable people's lives and suck on them until they're the only ones left happy. Unfortunately, Luke didn't have the last word, as one of the lawyers observed that this was why his marriage to Nicole failed. Still, Luke didn't mince his words and let the men have it.

5 Luke vs. Taylor – Soda Shoppe Window

Season 4, Episode 1 "Ballrooms and Biscotti"

Luke and Taylor have gone back and forth for years to the point where their arguments are their own entertainment; it's practically like watching wrestling. Season 4 kicks off with an all-time classic fight. Taylor decides to add a window in his soda shoppe. The problem? There's a clear window on the wall he shares with Luke's Diner.

Luke does not like Taylor, so the idea of Taylor being able to look into his protected fortress feels like an invasion. It's not like Luke is going to enjoy the view of Taylor's "stupid store" either. This rant gets even better as Luke insults Taylor's attire, as he looks similar to Dick Van Dyke's Burt in Mary Poppins, a movie that Luke doesn't have fond childhood memories of. As an expression of his frustration, Luke sticks his hands in all the candy barrels in his sight. A small-town declaration of war!

4 The Battle of Stars Hollow Re-enactment

Season 1, Episode 8 "Love and War and Snow"

The Stars Hollow town hall meetings are a place to discuss issues in the community and local commerce. However, there is one point of contention that grinds Luke's gears: the annual battle re-enactment of the Battle of Stars Hollow. In this Season 1 episode, Lorelai and Rory watch with anticipation as they watch Luke try to physically hold himself from snapping, and when he can't take it anymore, the real fight begins.

As the mayor attempts to recite the tale of this battle, Luke fires back at how ridiculous it is to commemorate this American Revolutionary fight year after year, especially since they were there to discuss town issues. He even points out how the re-enactment — and by extension, the war — glorifies stealing Indigenous land. Harry Porter (David Huddleston) attempts to fire back, but Luke is clearly the victor of this verbal sparring.

3 Jam Hands

Season 2, Episode 5 "Nick/Nora, Sid/Nancy"

Ah yes, jam hands. One of Luke's most legendary tirades comes right after he pushed Jess (Milo Ventimiglia) into a lake in a Season 2 episode. Luke feels in over his head attempting to raise his nephew. He admits to Lorelai that he doesn't like kids because they're messy. To drive home his point, he gets fixated on how children can get messy with sticky food, specifically jam.

Luke puts up with his fair share of shenanigans in Stars Hollow. However, his patience wears thin when it comes to "jam hands." Decades later, it's considered a quintessential Luke rant. Fun fact: this is one of Scott Patterson's favorite Luke rants.

Season 7, Episode 19 "It's Just Like Riding a Bike"

Car shopping can be so draining — spending an entire afternoon testing out cars, negotiating prices, etc. It's usually bearable if you bring a car-savvy friend, but if that friend is Luke Danes, maybe keep them away. Towards the end of the series, Lorelai's car breaks down, and Luke offers to help her find a replacement. Luke is all about practicality, but Lorelai is looking for a certain feeling when finding her next car.

What makes this rant so great is that it initially starts as an indictment of how he perceives the general public buying a car. It detours into a rant about bathroom tiles, since previously Lorelai had bought tiles that she thought were too big for the bathroom. Years later, Luke vehemently disagrees. His rant comes concludes back to how sports cars aren't better than other cars. It's a full-circle, well-rounded tirade.

1 Apartment Hunting

Season 2, Episode 15 "Lost and Found"

After feeling cramped in his place above the diner, Luke decides to look for a new apartment for him and Jess. Unfortunately, he discovers it's not an easy endeavor. To air his frustrations, he calls Lorelai as he complains about everything wrong with the places he's seen and the overall cost that goes into finding a new place to live. It certainly doesn’t make it better when later he finds out that a prospective apartment is owned by his nemesis, Taylor Doose.

What makes this rant the best one is found in its relatability. Anyone who has looked for an apartment to rent has had similar thoughts and annoyances about trying to find the perfect spot. Owning a pet? Costs money. Making alterations? Costs money. Parking spot? It all costs money, and Scott Patterson completely sells the frustration of this stressful task.