'I cry every single day': Richard E. Grant fights back tears as he opens up on the death of his wife of 38 years and says his 'brain cannot compute she's gone'

Richard E. Grant fought back tears as he recently opened up on the death of his late wife, Joan Washington. 

The actor, 68, met his late wife, Joan, in 1982, and they went on to tie the knot in 1986. They shared daughter Olivia, 34. 

Joan tragically passed away aged 74, in September 2021, eight months after she was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. 

Now, Richard has opened up on his grief four years since his wife of 38 years died,  sharing that his 'brain cannot compute she's gone'. 

Speaking on Paloma Faith's Mad Sad Bad podcast on Tuesday, he said: 'It's four years since my wife of 38 years died, and I understand it rationally, that I will never see, touch, talk to her ever again, 

He continued: 'But, emotionally, my brain cannot compute that she's gone, so it sort of reconfigured and I just instinctively started writing to her, every night, that is the hardest bit to get used to. 

'But I now do, and the trick of memory is so extraordinary, in that, a year ago, I only remembered her in full health, rather than in poor health for the last eight months of her life, 

'So, if I suddenly find a picture of her on my phone of when she was ill, it's a real shock, because my memory has sort of reconfigured, which I suppose is what you do, your survival instinct to only remember the good bits.' 

'Out of the 38 years we were together, only eight months of those 38 years were in diminishing health. So, relatively, I remember the good bits.' 

Elsewhere on the podcast, Richard shared that he cries a lot, every day, and even joyous things make him well up, too. 

He candidly said: 'I cry every single day: from grief, from joy, from the news.'

When asked if he thinks you can ever recover from loss, Richard shared that you can navigate your way around it; however, you don't get over it. 

He said: 'I don't think of it like that, I think that it's something that you navigate your way round it, and you don't get over it. 

'So, and when people come out with the platitudes, all well-meaning as it is, saying "oh time will heal' or "you'll get over it", I've not thought of it that way, I've not wanted to get over it. 

'Because then it's almost like you're saying, well that person's life, that's finished and done with.' 

Richard announced the death of his wife in September 2021 and released a heartbreaking video of them dancing together.

He has since spoken about how he 'can't imagine falling in love again' after the death of his late wife. 

In an interview last year, Richard said he writes to his late wife of 38 years every day, as the thought of her not being here is too much to bear.

The actor added that while he has tried dating, 'nobody else has even come near' to Joan.

Of his grief, Richard previously told The Telegraph: 'I've now accepted that I will never understand it, trying to imagine not being here is beyond my capacity for thinking.

'So, I write a letter to Joan every night about what's going on, and I find that it feels like I have a physical, tangible, ongoing conversation with her that's written down. I've found that really, really helpful.

'Anticipating what she might think about this, or what is her opinion about that? Even the most mundane things.'

Richard said that in the years since Joan's death, he has been set up on blind dates by his friends, but he isn't looking to meet anyone.

'I think that what was so extraordinary about her is that I felt like I was truly seen and understood by another human being in a way that nobody else has even come near,' he said.